Broken Heart Broken Spirit
by moodah
Summary: Hermione is left with a broken heart. How will she deal with everything now? Contains Cutting and severe depression. DMHGbased on a true life story


**Disclaimer: I only own Tony, Greg, Brock, and Collin.**

**A/N: This story does contain cutting and severe depression,**

**as well as homosexuals. Don't like it, don't read it.**

**Also, Tony, Greg, and Collin all reflect three very important guys in my life, so if you know me personally, then you know them/of them. Also, this story does reflect my real life, conversations reflect conversations i've actually had with people. I was just like Hermione, good grades and such, and now i'm this Hermione.  
**

**Chapter 1: Returning a Changed Class.**

Hermione walked through the barrier of platform 9 3/4. When she entered, she saw the front of the magnificent steam engine that read _Hogwarts Express_.

"Finally." she whispered to herself, as she pushed her trolley through the platform to the end of the train. Finding an empty compartment, Hermione loaded her belongings into it. She placed her trunk up above and her messenger bag in the seat next to her. She pulled out her charmed mp3 player, started her favorite mix, and waited for Ron and Harry to finally see her new look for their seventh and final year at Hogwarts. Hermione decided to relax and ease up a little bit this year. She lounged in her simple blue jeans, and a simple forest green t-shirt, her wild hair pulled back into a pony tail. Around her neck she had a set of dog tags, which she had received from her best muggle friend as a gift.. _I wonder how Harry and Ron are? _She thought. She was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard the door to her compartment open.

"Do you mind? Everywhere else is full." Questioned a tall and lanky boy, dressed very simply, in jeans and a basic blue t-shirt with a mop of curly black hair on his head.

"Not at all, please, sit." She said, as the unkown boy took a seat kitty corner from her. "My name is Hermione Granger, and you are?"

"Collin Jay Thomas at your service." He said with a smile. "I just transferred from Hogwarts. What house are you in? My letter from Dumbledore said I was in Gryffindor."

"So am I! As are Harry and Ron, my two best friends, they should be here any moment."

"What are you listening to?" Collin inquired breaking the uncomfortable silence that had fallen over the compartment.

"Just a mix of things really, som Broken Social Scene, Dashboard Confessional, Muse, Switchfoot, Jack's Mannequin, Ok Go, Coldplay, Death Cab For Cutie, and then some." Hermione started singing along.

_Used to be one of the rotten ones and he liked you for that.  
Used to be one of the rotten ones and he liked you for that.  
Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.  
Now you're all gone got your make-up on and you're not coming back.  
Can't you come back?  
Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.  
Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that.  
Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that._

_Now you're all gone got your make-up on and you're not coming back.  
Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under your breath.  
Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under your breath.  
Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under your breath.  
Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash, under my window.  
Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me._

"Broken Social Scene, Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl." Collin said when she finished. "That was almost too easy. Come on woman! Challenge me!"

"Only if you promise to never call me woman ever again." Hermione said with a smile. Collin gave her a nod of affirmation, and Hermione moved to the next track.

_We watch the season  
Pull up it's own stakes  
And catch the last weekend  
Of the last week  
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced  
Another sun soaked season fades away  
You have stolen my heart_

"Dashboard Confessional, Stolen." Collin replied with a smug look on his face.

"Stop looking smug and come sit over here." Collin willingly obliged and took the seat next to Hermione. He then noticed the dog tags hanging from around her neck.

"To whom do these belong to?" He asked, picking them up to inspect them more closely.

"My best friend Tony. He's currently serving in the Royal Navy." She said. Collin was reading the information on the tag when the compartment door finally reopened to reveal a flustered looking Harry and a stormy Ron.

"Harry! Ron!" Hermione exclimed and jumped out of her seat.

"Hey Mione." Harry said, a small blush still visible in his cheeks.

"Hmpf." Was all the reply she got from Ron.

"Harry what happened?" Harry then went on to explain to Hermione how he was caught snogging Ginny in a compartment alone by Lavender and Ron, who were also looking for a compartment of their own. Shaking her head Hermione proceeded with introductions, realizing that Collin was probably very uncomfortable.

"Collin and I were just listening to music and getting to know each other before you two came in." Harry and Ron nodded in acknowledgement. The rest of the train ride continued in silence. Finally, they arrived at Hogwarts. After a marvelous feast, Hermione led Collin to the Gryffindor common rooms, and said a quick farewell before heading back to her own room. That night, like all the other nights, Hermione dreamed her nightmare.

_Hermione sits on a couch in her house in Northwest London, reading a book on Muggle Poetry. As she reads, contently, her cellular telephone rings. She sees who it is and takes a deep breath before answering. _

_"Mya? Guess who!" the caller exclaims excitedly._

_"Tony! Tony! I miss you!" she says with fake enthusiasm. Mentally she is thinking something very different. "When are you coming home? When do I get to see you again? Will you let me pick you up from the airport? Can we talk more often?"_

_"I'll be home in two months, and you'll be the first one I'll see because you'll pick me up from the airport, and of course we'll talk more often! I couldn't deny my favorite girl anything! Anyways I was just calling to check up on you okay? I love you!"_

_"Love you more."_

_"No way. I love you more than coffee and chocolate."_

_"And I love you more than the size of the universe."_

_"I love you more than three hour long back massages from the man you love. Trust me, I talk from experience. Now I gotta go, we'll finish this later, I promise. Bye"_

_"Bye." Hermione replies, in an almost whisper. "Tony, how is it that a simple phone call from you can break my heart like this?" She said to nobody in particular. Onto her lap jumped a small calico kitten, her replacement for Crookshanks, who was unfortunately put down by the local vets due to heart conditions. "Leigh, what am I going to do?" she asked stroking the kitten's back. "It is killing me to be so far from him, but I can't live without him. He can't ever be mine, he has Brock, I guess, I don't know." Hermione walked to the kitchen and grabbed three things. She then went to her room and locked herself in. Knocking back a shot of tequila, she lays on her floor and pulls the X-ACTO knife across her stomach lightly. Just enough for it to form small beads of blood. She lets the blood flow and flow, knowing it will scar over and joing the others. But something is not right. The blood won't stop flowing, and soon she is surrouned by a pool of her own blood. Her room fades away, as Tony stands over her a wicked smile at his lips._

_"I never loved you. I'm glad you're dead." He states, as the scene slowly fades._

Hermione awoke with a start covered in cold sweat. Getting out of bed, she rummaged through her trunk until she found exactly what she was looking for. A bottle of tequila and her X-ACTO knife. Silently she slid out of the dormitory and down to the empty common room. She took a seat exactly infront of the fire, her back to the staircases. Taking a swig of tequila from the bottle, she laid back, lifted her shirt and slowly drew the knife along her stomach. She breathed a sigh of relief. Cutting herself felt so right, so good. As strange as it sounded, causing pain took away all her pain. As she got lost in the feeling of the blood oozing out of her fresh cut, she took another swig of tequila when a voice startled her from behind.

"What are you doing?" Collin said from behind her. She replied by taking another swig of tequila. "Hey Hermione! What are you doing? Come on answer me! This isn't right!" He said, running up to her and checking her wound. "Hermione, hey…" he saw tears in her eyes. He pulled her close and held her. "What's going on?" he asked her quietly.

"Doesn't it just suck when the man you love can break your heart just by calling you?"

"I can't say i can relate, since my relations have been with ladies only, and few at that" Collin replied with a nervous chuckle.

"Well lemme tell yah, it sucks." Hermione was obviously on a buzz.

"Well I think its worse when they stop calling." He replied softly.

"Just when everything was going great, and i was starting to forget and move the fuck on, he calls me, and its when I'm surrounded by friends, so I can't really show how i really feel inside." She said softly, taking another swig of tequila. "Its been so fucking long. Too fucking long." She said with a slight chuckle.

"Well," Collin said taking a deep breath, "in my experience, the best way to get over it is exposure to your new place in his life." He said. "Does that make sense?"

"I'm on a buzz, of course it doesn't make sense!" She said, taking yet another swig of tequila.

Collin gave a chuckle before taking the bottle out of her hands and setting it on the floor behind him. "Okay, well if you're just friends then hang out as friends, and the more you do the easier it will get. But if you just bury everything and ignore it, whenever you see him, or hear a song, or whatever, it all comes out all over again and you won't ever really be rid of it."

"But how can I hang with someone who is so far away?"

"Then talk to him a lot, or something" He offered. "That was just an example"

"Oh...okay." She said, like a little kid finally understanding something.

"Just get used to being his friend. Oh, and any songs that you shared or have any memories tied to him, listen to them over and over, and it'll suck, but after a little while, they'll lose the feeling."

"Is that all?" she asked quietly.

"Hmm I guess. Other than that, _don't _rebound. God alive dont rebound. Make sure your friends dont let you rebound either, and other than that, just be strong and push through. It'll be over before you know it, just watch.

Hermione leaned back into him. "Thank you." She said softly.

"You bet."

After a few minutes of just sitting there together, Hermione broke the silence. "Is it supposed to be hard?"

"Yes. But don't think about that now, just sleep, and it will all be better, you'll see." He said softly, as she slowly dozed off still resting on him. Before long, Collin was asleep too, the bottle of tequila forgotten, and the bloody X-ACTO knife lying on the floor.

('' ) (' ') ( '') ('' ) (' ') ( '') (heck yes for dancing blobs!)

"Did they spend the whole night like that?"

"Maybe they had sex."

"What's with the open bottle of tequila."

"Is that a kinfe?"

"Is that blood?"

"EWWWWWW!" a girl shouted, waking Hermione and Collin.

"Whatsgoingon?" Hermione asked groggily.

"Hermione, what are you doing down here with a bottle of tequila, a boy and a knife?" asked Parvati.

"Um…." She started. "Obliverate!" she cried wiping out the memory of Parvati and Lavender. "Girls! What are you doing? You both look terrible! Why don't you go take a shower and get dressed, afterall, today is the first day of school!" Hermione said cheerily.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea." Said the two girls, as they headed off towards the bathroom."

"Well Collin I guess I'll see you in class!" she said cheerily, as she grabbed her bottle and knife and ran up the stairs.

"What the hell?" he questioned softly, before shaking his head and heading back up to his dorm, deciding he'd talk to her later.

**A/N: So? What do you think? Please Review! And yes this will be a Draco/Hermione fic. Don't worry.**


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